Past the dishes, general mess, and the snow I can see a soft glow.

The light at the end of the tunnel that has become where, how, and why I live is viewed best in my control area. My bedroom has become my complete and only sanctuary and soon I will never have to leave its walls at all - save the necessary trips. By the end of the week the laptop will be just that, atop by lap. No more broken desk. No more unwanted, talkative distractions. No more having to live in filth.

I tried for a while, perhaps completely unnoticed (so it would seem, although I can't imagine how), but now concede to throw in the dirty dish towel once again. Seriously, FTW. At least, F this W - this world within these walls. It could all be me, and that would be fine; all in my head and nothing more. Whatever. It is there and that is it. I will adjust accordingly. I can only control my own actions, and only to an extent.

I will descend into modern-day troglodyte status and love the freedom and calm that it will afford for me. Maybe I am disgruntled, but I have a solution, one that will work, no less. I will paint my own picture (thank you) instead of having it painted for me, or, at least, instead of having the colour palette chosen for me. I can live with that.

Still, more and more, a reason to look forward, against Buddha's teachings, but a necessary task in this time and place. Live now, but keep hope alive.

Completely aside, I wonder what Buddha would say about Andy Dufresne?

Peacing out,

pigger

Comments

[sammy]

hi pig, this is my first night alone. hate being alone when those i love are so far away. love being alone when i know they are close. go figure.

as a result of my pathetic loneliness, i decided to surf and remembered your blog! you sure can write. hope Seattle was good an inspiring to you tonight.

just for the record, i find that reading your blogs makes me understand you so much better. an obvious statement, but i mention it because you are, as a matter of fact, my mysterious younger brother. i know you and yet there is so much i don't know.

i am so glad you decided to stay in TBay and get on with your degree...why i'm happy has nothing to do with that in and of itself. it's because selfishly, i feel that i have finally been given this great opportunity to get to know you.

who knew 7 years age difference would be such an impediment?

i marvel at who you are and who you're becoming. i'm so proud of you. you're so good to piper and we enjoy you so much.

yeah i'm a suck. guess i can't even blame it on the fandamily being away. you know the truth... cause you know me!

love you bro