The Power of Harpo

I want to ask everyone out there to do me a favour. I want, at some time, for everyone to sit down and watch the Oprah show. I am talking to the guys here. There has to be some sort of secret that we are missing here. Some sort of breakthrough that lies just beyond oour grasp. Oprah knows. Oh, Oprah knows. She has it. She has the power that men desire. Just watch.

First, listen to the crowd go absolutely bonkers as Oprah comes out on stage. Oprah's show has evolved from a "talk show" to that of a full scale variety show without all the juggling bears and talking puppets. She has grown into a role that is looked upon by the in studio congregation and the millions of viewers at home with utmost admiration and pure rapture. Oprah walks to the stage and puts on her deep voice, "Hellllllo everybodyyyyyyyyyyy!" The camera pans over to the audience of mostly women and the odd husband/boyfriend that has been dragged along or is trying to gain points with his partner. Take a look at those people.

Don't get me wrong. I have been to a few serious T.V. productions and I understand how they work. Someone is there with a sign or a hnad signal telling you to get up and act excited and clap and whoop and whatnot, but these women and even the men all appear as though they are all experiencing the greatest moment of their lives. I'm intrigued. If this is this case I want to go.

So on with teh show and Oprah does the introduction and people laugh at the "funny parts" either becuase it is Oprah, television, or because they actaully find it funny. Oprah might bring out a sad story guest and the camera will show any person in teh audience crying. Oprah may bring out a happy person story and the audience at any given moment has a look pure awe or the biggest grin stamped upon their face. You know the look: head tilted to one side, chin up slightly to really push out that smile that couldn't be wiped clean with a fire hose.

The audience is made up almost entirely of middle-aged women. They all dress up nicely to go to the Oprah show and put on plenty of make-up. Make-up galore, there is no doubt a pair of crows feet upon every womans face due to the unknowing smile that is directly attributed to one lady. I guarantee the audience has no clue how stupidied they look. They probably have no idea they are even smiling. When I see the cut to the audience and the look on their faces I often look over to my mother who is sitting and watching just as intently and, of course, smiling unknowingly with her head tilted to one side and her chin protruding out just a wee bit. It's Oprah.

The real kicker in the Oprah show is when she spends her riches on the audience. Never in my life have I seen such uncontrolable excitement. One show I saw had a lady on who had complained about the Oprah clothing in the giftshop of the studio. Oprah interviewed the woman for a bit and then apologized for the hideousness of the clothes and brought out models to show off the new designs that she had implemented. The crowd went nuts. I can only imagine what they were thinking: "I can't believe Oprah had the clothes redesigned. Oh my God. She is so special. This is so overwhelming, I haven't felt this good since my wedding night." Or something like that. Just watch and see. But wait. The best part is still to come. Oprah now tells the whole audience that they will all receive "brand new Oprahhhhh T-shirrrrrrrrrrts!!!" Be sure to turn the volume on your set down at this point. Screams, quiet, reserved screams come together to form a horrible whining drone. Camera pans to audience. The audience members are looking at each other wondering if this could truly be. They flap their hands about in excitement and cover their mouths to hide the look of shock. Unreal. Unreal alright.

So seriously, really watch the Oprah show once. You have to see it when she gives things away. The audience peaks at this point. I tell you, any man who wants to win his wife's favour should take her to see Oprah. The results will be no doubt tremendous. My only warning is to be careful as you watch. I sometimes find myself looking to see if my mother is transfixed to the t.v. with a smile on her face only because I suddenly realize that I have the same stupid look that the audience has. She will get you. Oprah is beyond anything you can possibly understand.

Comments

[tasha]

pigger...

ever considered journalism? or maybe just talking to a magazine to write some articles???

k...just a thought...

miss you.

love tash

[Jonathan]

lets just say that i have everything worked out...in my head anyway

[chris]

Thats amazing,I was thinking the same thing. These bolgs are our Indy media, unbias and off the hook. I dont know about you jon-o but I hav thought about writing for a greater public, and cant bring my self to it. Just last week I sat down to write an article to the Argus (our university news paper) and got nothing. I shouldnt say nothing, I got something..It was solid, but it still seemed second rate. I dont know, If its going on my blog, I dont feel an obligation to anyone but myself. If I am writing for anyone else I have a hard time making it perfect. ah.... the internal strugalls of a 20 something blog junky.maybe oprah does have the answer.

[Jonathan]

oprah has the answer to a quick fix of feel-good, pick-me-up, jivin, happiness found excessively, but not exclusively, in 30-50 year old women. Beyond that i can only speculate just how how great te span of oprahs knowledge goes.